Contemporary UK Story: Like

 

Rather than being strictly a sequel to ‘More than an Ally’ and ‘That Personal Experience’ and briefly featuring two characters from them, this story is a kind of spin-off with some different sorts of changes brought about in a different way.

Like

It was the end of the afternoon at the Women’s Advice Centre and Sinead contemplated the evening ahead. Coming to the city, she had expected it to be very different. She had thought that with so many people here, she could not end up as lonely as she had. There had been that initial excitement, feeling that she could be an out lesbian, with her blue bobbed hair, and no-one would make any fuss. She guessed she had been a little naïve, simply imagining an attractive woman running into her somewhere and them finding themselves as life partners, even as wife and wife. However, even making use of all that the internet had offered, had, so far, not brought any dates. Too many of her messages were not responded to and from those that were, the conversations tended to peter out once she suggested meeting. 

Not for the first time, especially on a Saturday night, Sinead reminded herself, that even with greater fluidity in sexual orientation these days, only one in ten women would be gay. There would be some more that would be bisexual and might be interested, but it was not a huge pool to draw from. Added to that such statistics were a blanket figure and she acknowledged that some of them would be seventy or fifty rather than the twenty-five to thirty-five, she felt was her own age range. At times she wondered if having a car would help, but given the cost of renting here, that possibility had to be somewhere in the future. Then there would be all the hassle and further payments to park it somewhere. 

Perhaps, Sinead realised, she had been a little two-faced in coming to volunteer at the centre. At times it made her feel a little self-righteous that she was doing good stuff to help out women. However, especially at the end of the day, she began to feel guilty that she was hoping that the next woman who came in seeking advice would be attracted to her and they would walk off to a bar. They would spend the night together, Sinead solving all the woman’s problems and then they would fall in love. However, typically, those she met, even those in her age ‘category’, had problems with the men in their lives, whether partners, landlords or employers. While some were looking to leave these men, they seemed to have no interest in going on to an exciting life with a blue-haired lesbian. 

‘Coming for a drink?’ 

Sinead looked up abruptly from her keyboard realising that her mind had been wandering. She saw it was Carmen asking. While they did not do it after every Saturday session, the advisers at the centre would sometimes go on to a pub. On occasion, Sinead would join them, but less frequently these days. It was not the other women’s faults, but certainly seeing Carmen and Emmi, the wife-and-wife team who worked at the centre, Sinead found she could not suppress her jealousy. The two black lesbians were fifteen, perhaps twenty, years older than her. Meeting them initially had given Sinead hope that one day she would end up the same, though being a vegan, she preferred black denim over what the tight leather they wore. However, she had begun wondering if she was missing a trick for not adding some faux leather or shiny PU items to her wardrobe. 

Sinead hesitated. 

‘Have you got a hot date lined up? 

‘I wish.’ 

Carmen said nothing in response as if waiting for Sinead to add to that. As she thought about what to say, Sinead began to wonder if Carmen had divined her problems and, without being explicit about it, was offering help. 

‘You and Emmi … well, you know how did you meet; get together?’ 

Carmen hesitated, ‘well, we met here. We just sort of hit it off. Sorry, I know that’s not much help.’ 

‘At least you understand. I thought … well, not that it would be easy but that there would be more opportunities for me well, to meet queer women. It’s good knowing you and Emmi, but …’ 

‘Look maybe you are overthinking it,’ Carmen pulled on her ox blood biker jacket and stepped into the office Sinead used. ‘Don’t head out there - and I don’t just mean in person, but online too - looking for a soul mate, just get to know more women, find ones who like what you like and then … well.’ 

‘I wish it worked like that.’ 

‘I am sure it will. You know, I work magic.’ Carmen waved her arms around. ‘I am your black lesbian fairy godauntie and I say it will work for you.’ 

Sinead grinned at that. Her sense of failure was swept aside for now. 

‘Come on, get that duffel coat of yours and come to the pub. Maybe me and Emmi need to take you out shopping one evening, I know lesbians, especially the white ones, seem to think dumpy is the required style, but woman, I don’t think you’re showing yourself to your best.’ Carmen gave a deep laugh. 

Sinead put up no resistance and soon found herself out of the centre with Carmen, Emmi, Hilda and Kalisha, and heading to the pub. Sinead knew that if Emmi and Carmen liked it, at least it would be LGBT friendly. She found her spirits lifting and once she had a beer inside, she was soon forgetting what had so plagued her. While during the evening, especially when she caught sight of a woman who she felt was her type, the despair nudged her, with her colleagues, she was able to chase away such thoughts, at least for the moment. 

That night, a little drunk after some hours in the pub, Sinead went online and, tagging her accounts with the rainbow banner, went in search of a woman who might like what she liked and then might like her. 

**** 

Hannah sat scrolling down her social media feed. She was feeling pretty dissatisfied but not really in a way that she could resolve. It was not supposed to be this way. She had a reasonably interesting, if demanding, job, teaching business in a college and, added to that, in the past month she had come out as bisexual. It had been as a result of her finding herself infatuated with a woman she had met at a conference. While she had only had boyfriends in her life, she had come back accepting that, if nothing else, there were some women out there who could spark arousal within her. 

Rather tentatively, but then with more confidence, Hannah had accepted the bisexual ‘label’. However, in reality, very little had changed and now the initial euphoria had begun to fade. She guessed that was only to be expected. Hannah was not really certain what a bisexual woman looked like. Indeed, these days it was often difficult to distinguish a lesbian from a straight woman or a gay man from a heterosexual one. Many of the ‘rules’ of the past had become blurred and she guessed that with – to an extent at least – the normalization of same-sex relationships, ‘ordinary’ people could love their own agenda without having to feel they had to make it obvious from the first. Still, there were moments when Hannah yearned for the buzz of putting on what she might deem ‘bisexual’ outfits or having what would be deemed a suitable haircut to signal her broader orientation. At times, she worried she looked too much like an office worker perhaps a decade or two older than her real age. 

Seeing herself reflected in her laptop’s screen, Hannah pulled back her shoulder-length hair from her face and tried to envisage what she would look like with something cut much tighter than any style she had had before. Now she found she had a bit of a mission for her scrolling. Knowing women often posted selfies of their outfits and hair styles, she wondered if she might find some inspiration, especially from other bisexual women she could link to. She caught sight of a woman, much her age, in a full-length image showing off a black denim outfit though with a floral-on-black top. She had short swept-across hair dyed blue and large glasses. The name above the shot said ‘Sinead is Searching’ with a brief description and a small LGBT icon. However, it was the boots that caught Hannah’s eye: sleek in metallic bronze and with thick soles. She liked how they stood out and imagined herself owning a pair. She clicked to ‘Like’ the shot then quickly wrote, ‘cool boots’ beneath it. 

Hannah now looked at the other comments beneath the image, some of which were negative. As she did she wondered why others could not see how cool this Sinead’s boots were. Of course she liked them, she had a very similar pair in her wardrobe, though in patent black, and wondered why she had not worn them yet. Now Hannah focused on her question about hairstyle. She put up a selfie shot from her computer showing her current style and asked for suggestions about how she should have it to match her being bi. She followed up looking at people who had tagged hairstyles then found a message from ‘Sinead is Searching’ with a link to some images of under-shaved hairstyles. For a moment Hannah felt a buzz considering shaking up everyone at the college by coming in with one of the more extreme versions. 

‘Thanks,’ Hannah typed back beneath Sinead’s posting, ‘though I really like your under-shaved bob and in blue!’ 

Moments later a little blushing emoticon appeared in response. It was no surprise that Hannah liked the style, she thought as she ran her hand over the under-shaved side of her head. She had really come to like blue as a hair colour herself and had picked something quite like Sinead’s when she last had it tidied up. She clicked to follow Sinead and scrolled back through her recent postings. 

Hannah stopped on the picture of a black top but with a floral pattern across it. Perhaps it was not what she would have usually selected but now she felt it would be something she might not only wear, but like. 

‘I’d like this, I imagine wearing it with a pair of faux leather trousers and DM boots.’ Hannah typed beneath the picture. 

She had bought a faux leather jacket the previous year, though she wore it rarely these days. Her DM boots were the plain kind but she was coming to like the patent variety. Having typed, Hannah dropped her left hand down to her lap. Distantly she ran her fingers over the smooth black faux leather of her tight trousers. With the other she scrolled through more of Sinead’s entries, for some reason finding herself in tune with a lot of what she was saying. 

The the notification popped up that Sinead was following her, followed by a flurry of likes of things Hannah had posted. Then things went quiet for a while. Hannah got up from the computer, for some reason feeling very good in the floral-on-black top and the faux leather trousers she wore. She made herself a coffee and thought of something to do aside from spending the evening scrolling through messages. However, she felt a buzz when thinking of that and was soon back on her computer. A notification showed her something from her new friend. 

‘Anyone up for seeing Jess Jennings – performance poet?’ 

Hannah looked at the link through. It showed a woman much her age but dressed in a turquoise velvet suit; a black buttoned shirt beneath. Like Hannah, her hair was blue though a lighter shade, her glasses were rectangular framed rather than round and a gem glinted from the side of her nose. 

‘I do like her look,’ Hannah responded to Sinead. 

Hannah guessed she felt some affinity with this poet and thought maybe that was because their choice in glasses and nose jewellery were the same. Sinead did a like to the comment. Then a direct message came to Hannah and she was unsurprised that it was from Sinead. She did not usually respond to direct messages as they generally originated from men who looked alright on the surface, but sharply proved to be creeps. 

‘Hannah, are you looking for a girlfriend?’ 

Hannah felt a sudden jolt. Perhaps Sinead was a woman, but maybe she had a similar objective to the men. However, as she reflected on it, Hannah felt she could excuse Sinead. It was not accompanied by a photo of any part of Sinead’s body and she guessed, given that they seemed to have similar tastes, it was not an extraordinary question. Yet, Hannah had only recently acknowledged her bisexuality and then all because of one woman. Was she really ready to consider being asked out by a woman? Perhaps that was feeble and she told herself to baulk from a woman making an advance was sexist and pretty narrow-minded. 

‘Sorry! Too soon? I leapt in there. I guess you probably have a partner.’ 

‘No, not at present.’ 

‘But that doesn’t mean you’re thinking of having a girlfriend at the moment?’ 

Hannah hesitated. While she felt a bit of a thrill in the thought that, with a few words she could be dating a woman, something held her back. To counter that came the thought of whether she really could consider herself – represent herself – as bisexual if she had not even dated a woman. Then, she felt she was being stupid. 

‘Yes, I’d like to have a girlfriend … and I like the fact that maybe she would be you …’ 

Hannah held back for a second then pressed to send. She felt slightly dizzy. The room around her seemed to shift. She grasped the desk and then closed her eyes until she felt steady again. As she opened her eyes, the little room that she and Sinead used as an office looked different. Hannah wondered why that was, then worried she was tired. Sinead and her were going out shortly and she had really been looking forward to seeing Jess Jennings in action. 

Hannah closed down her computer and stood up from the chair, her tight faux leather trousers creaking a little as she did. Sinead bowled into the room clearly with everything in place to go out. 

‘Are you ready?’ Sinead asked with a smile. 

Hannah felt that Sinead’s voice sounded unfamiliar. She dismissed this as ridiculous. They had met at that conference, Sinead had been at something in the same venue and had dated from the day after that. Though they were not living together yet, they both spent a lot of time in each other’s flats and Hannah realised that her mind had been drifting on to thoughts of perhaps suggesting marriage. 

Hannah grinned and Sinead was unresisting as she closed and pressed her lips to her girlfriend’s. As a couple, they were quite a contrast, it seemed only their blue hair and love of dark clothing matched. Sinead was broad and curvy whereas Hannah was tall and all angles. However, given that they had so many likes in common, Hannah guessed it was not a bad thing that they had some differences. 

Sinead’s lips were so smooth and as Hannah found herself opening her mouth and gently sliding her tongue up against that of her girlfriend, she found the sensation delightful. For some reason, while she was sure they had often done this – even on the night of their first date – it felt very new. Sinead’s hands cupped Hannah’s bum, pressing down on the faux leather that she had found herself loving. Again, while she was sure she had liked the shine and creak of the material for so long, dressing like this was also surprisingly novel. 

Finally the two women broke. Hannah went to zip herself into her patent black DM boots and pulled on the faux leather biker jacket she loved. She glanced in the mirror and for a moment her reflection surprised her. However, quickly, memories of having her hair cut and dyed this way, of buying these glasses and having her nose pierced explained everything she saw, as to be expected. In minutes, they were stepping from the flat and catching sight of herself dimly reflected in the glass of the block’s entrance, Hannah again felt a little surprised to see herself as a leather – at least faux leather – clad lesbian stepping out with her girlfriend. However, that sensation quickly passed and instead she began looking forward to the performance. 

**** 

Hannah and Sinead almost fell into Sinead’s flat, laughing. After the performance they had had a couple of drinks and even got to chat to Jess herself. Their blue hair had caught her attention. While her poetry had shown her to be straight, the two young lesbians felt an affinity to her and her dry humour. Hannah had been initially aware of Sinead being slightly on edge as if expecting something to go wrong. However, once they were in place, sat hand in hand and especially after the performance chatting with the star, she seemed to relax a great deal and, in turn, Hannah felt eased in herself. Those surprises about who and what she was, how she dressed, her style and how good it was to be with Sinead, had all disappeared. It was then she had realised that tonight they were going to have sex. 

Without switching the lights on, Hannah led Sinead from the bedroom and pulled her in for a long kiss, before slipping off Sinead’s jacket. In a collision of fingers, they then unbuttoned and slid off their tops and were quickly out of their trousers. Hannah found a buzz as she realised she would be sliding back into these clothes and probably heading to work in them the next morning. Soon they were naked beneath the duvet and the couple lay looking at each other in the low light for some time, fingers reaching out to touch skin and brush excited nipples. Then the kissing resumed, but this time Hannah moved away from her lover’s mouth and soon was using her tongue to toy with her nipples. For some reason she felt as if she was discovering Sinead for the first time and that excited her even more. Soon she was sliding down Sinead’s body, guiding her girlfriend on to her back and spreading her thighs so she could slide her head between them. 

Hannah could envisage what she was about to do and, if asked, was sure she would have said she had done it before and indeed many times with Sinead. However, as she ran her tongue over the girlfriend’s slick lips and nuzzled at her hardening clitoris, she felt as if these were new sensations. She found that she enjoyed the scent and then the taste of Sinead as if these were things that she could not happily live without. As she lapped further into Sinead’s opening sex and then worked with her fingers until her lover was beginning to mew and then moan aloud with pleasure, Hannah felt that this was precisely what she should be doing. She was, after all, an out-and-out blue-haired lesbian and there was no question about that. Sinead’s fingers raked Hannah’s body pushing her own arousal further as she served her girlfriend. Sinead arced and let out a long groan then shuddered, her body quivering with the sensations. 

Hannah knelt up, and back letting the duvet slide away from her as she watched Sinead, her girlfriend – and she was increasingly convinced – her future wife, cavorting and squirming pleasurably with all that Hannah had brought into her. Hannah now shifted on her knees and dropped back down on the mattress next to Sinead. She could make out that her girlfriend was grinning widely as much as the first time they had done this. Sinead took Hannah’s hand and lifted it to her lips to kiss. 

‘Thank you,’ she said huskily. 

Hannah felt surprisingly pleased that she had brought her lover successfully to orgasm. 

‘Now, would you like me to do that you?’ Sinead asked seductively. 

Hannah found herself grinning, but then responded softly, ‘I’d really like you to do that.’

 

THE END