Transformation Story: That Personal Experience Part 2

 

That Personal Experience

Part 2

For the thousandth time, Jan looked around anxiously. She guessed she should have foreseen this the moment Miranda Elliott had decided that Jan was going to be this office’s ‘champion’ for lesbians and/or black women. She wished that she had said something more ambivalent to Alex about coming or not coming to Pride. Now she wondered how long she would have to be wandering around the park where the procession had come to an end, handing out rather feeble leaflets. They looked to promote her company’s insurance to the gay and lesbian ‘demographics’. Somehow, the company had even become one of the sponsors of the event. On one of the leaflets there was even a photo that appeared to resemble not just Alex but Jan as she had seen herself the previous weekend. At first it unnerved her and then she thought it might explain why the particular image had come into her mind – because she must have seen it previewed in one of the tedious committee meeting at work. 

Jan guessed she could have refused to come here, given that this was not a work day. However, always in her mind was the thought that if she turned such ‘opportunities’ down, she would weaken the strength of her complaints that she was being passed over. She had come to bitterly accept that there was always a price to pay. A little worried that, surrounded by lots of lesbians, of a diversity of colours, would trigger another hallucination, Jan kept her head down and mainly talked to the knees and ankles of anyone actually interested in her company’s services. 

“Jan.” 

She guessed as she heard Alex’s warm voice, that it had been inevitable. She had tried not to think about what she might say, how far she would be embarrassed and how far she would apologise. Slowly now, she raised her head. Alex looked stunning. Her braids had been gathered up into two ‘horns’ from which streamed rainbow-coloured ribbons. She had on a silk teeshirt which at first Jan thought was pretty muted compared to the cascade of colours around them. However, as Alex moved, Jan saw it ran through the shades of the rainbow as it tightened and rippled across Alex’s taut body. Black denim jeans and patent DM boots finished off the outfit. 

“Alex … erm, hi. Want a leaflet?” she joked. 

“I understand now what you meant about the judging,” Alex chuckled. “Always a fine line to walk between needing funds to put on something like this and well …” 

“The corporate aspect,” Jan agreed. “I hope you don’t feel … well, feel that I am … I was exploiting you?” 

Alex chuckled in response. “I am in business myself, remember. Anyway, I think I have known from the start that you would do nothing to … well, use me, abuse me – you know.” 

“I am glad of that.” 

“So, when do you knock off? I’ve never actually been able to a Pride with a girlfriend …” 

Jan was immediately felt aware that this was a kind of test. If she agreed to socialise with Alex today, she could imagine this would ‘count’ as a third date. How many did you have to go on to be considered girlfriend and … well, girlfriend? Jan felt that falling into the last two should not really count anyway. 

“She can go now.” 

Jan almost jumped as she heard Miranda’s voice. The woman had gone completely overboard and as well as a rainbow teeshirt emblazoned ‘Pride in the Name of Our Love’ she had coloured her dark hair as best she could at least in red and purple and she even had rainbow socks pulled up her calves and fingernails in a range of primary colours. 

“Well, I am not really dressed for it.” 

“Nonsense,” Alex waved at Jan’s clothes. 

Jan found herself in pinky-purple singlet with heavy lace edging.  Below she wore shiny black cycling style shorts almost reaching her knee. Her shoes were bronze trainers. If feeling particularly confident she might have turned out in something similar, though with more muted shades and a lot less shiny. She dreaded to think what the tight shorts made her bum look like. Surely these were not clothes she even owned, let alone had selected to come in today? Jan then imagined that the appearance of Alex had sparked more hallucination, though this time she did not feel unsteady. 

“You must be Jan’s girlfriend,” Miranda said eagerly, offering a fist bump. 

Suddenly, even though this manager was much her age, Jan felt as if suddenly she was a teenager again and her mother had turned up. 

“Well …” Even Alex was reluctant to confirm this in the face of Miranda’s insistence on partnering them off. 

“Go and have a good time, this is, after all, your day.” Miranda beamed and then turned away to press leaflets on unsuspecting people. 

For a moment Jan felt as if she was paying a heavy price for that one mistake about Alex’s gender. Perhaps it was no surprise that people like Miranda were content to quickly ‘pigeonhole’ her, even when sexuality was always a lot more complex than that. What was of greater concerns were how her mind had decided to react, getting her to see herself the way it believed would be just perfect for Alex. Saying that, she would have to confess that the two times she had met with Alex she had been relaxed and happy. She was sure that if the whole sex thing was not hanging over this relationship, they could have been good friends. 

“Have you ever seen Mace-soyayya?” 

Though imaging this was some kind of performer, Jan had no idea if this was an artist or a group, so truthfully shook her head. 

“Come on then, I was going to get closer to the stage.” 

Alex grabbed Jan’s hand and led her on excitedly through the crowd in the direction of the stage. An electronic duo of men who could have been twins, were working through something which to Jan felt to have a real 80s flavour. However, as Alex found a position where she felt was good, Jan was very conscious of those around her, especially the women, who were kissing. Perhaps it was not such a political statement as it would have been a decade or more ago, but at an event like this, Jan knew enough to understand it had become a celebration. 

As the men finished to some polite applause and four African women appeared on stage to set up, Jan reflected that there were some countries – perhaps an increasing number these days – where the men and women around her, doing what they were doing, would face imprisonment. The women on stage were shaven headed and wore large gold jewellery, both things which helped show how beautiful there were. Their clothes were black with a dash of colour across their teeshirts which, Jan realised, if they stood in a line, would portray the arc of a rainbow. 

The first notes came out and Jan felt caught by the beat, it somehow penetrated down to the bottom of her spine and held her head as if insisting she looked to the stage. The quartet were split between what she imagined were ‘traditional’ instruments and an electric guitar and a synth. It made a music she had not heard before but which really dug into her. Alex turned to grin broadly at Jan and she found she could do nothing but respond in kind. The song was called ‘Na Daya’ but was sung in English and seemed to be about a woman finding her ideal girlfriend and it grew in passion as it climbed to a climax. Jan felt the lyrics with such forceful music were so powerful. She quivered as she worried, though, that Alex might think she was going down the path to being ‘the one’ as the last declaration from the lead singer emphasised. 

The infectiousness of the women’s performance soon dismissed Jan’s concerns. Surrounded by happy people clearly preoccupied with their own experiences, rather than looking askance at a woman who might be reaching the age when she was too old for raving in a park, reassured her. Jan was soon lost in the music until she realised that she had found something else in common with Alex when she determined that she would download whatever she could from the back catalogue of ‘Mace-soyayya’. Then the spell was broken. The band did an encore of ‘Bude Furen’ which Jan realised now that it was presented in a slower reggae arrangement, was highly sexual, then bowed to an applauding crowd. 

“Wasn’t that just … fucking brilliant?” Alex demanded. 

The fact she swore showed Jan how much passion the woman felt; it was meant as an acclamation. Alex was almost bouncing on the spot but, before Jan realised what was happening, she had thrown her arms around her. Jan put up no resistance but did not respond as Alex kissed her deeply and pulled her in tight. Instead she found herself once again coping with the sensations of a woman’s body effectively being mashed into hers. She felt her lips part and Alex’s tongue slip in. That gave her a frisson that she had not felt in a long time, even though some part of her felt that, though this was not wrong, it was not right for her. 

Breathless and grinning once more, Alex stepped back. “Best Pride ever.” 

Jan could not deny that being surrounded by so much positivity on a sunny day was not a bad place to be. 

“Come on, let’s get some food; some rum from somewhere.” 

“Sure,” Jan responded. 

Once more Alex took her hand, as if they were primary school children worried about getting lost in the crowd. As they walked away from what sounded like a new version of ‘Placebo’ they found a stall selling spicy chicken in wraps. Under the shade of a tree, they sat eating them and drinking cool smoothies. 

“Thank you for rescuing me,” Jan said, feeling she had to say something. 

“You rescued me, you know. No more ‘Ms. I-can’t-even-get-a-girlfriend-for-Pride’. No, sorry, that sounds really shit.” 

“You would be here even if I was not.” 

“Yes, of course but … but, it is ten, a thousand, a million times better to be here not just with anyone, but with you.” 

“I don’t think I add that much.” 

Alex chuckled lightly, “but you don’t know how much that is, so much. And, well, I think I’ve made a new ‘Mace-soyayya’ fan?” 

Jan nodded to that, “yes, and thank you.” 

“Coming awake, coming awake/Opening up, opening up/And I’m …” 

Alex quite tunefully sung from ‘Bude Furen’ though trailed off before the song’s protagonist went down on her lover’s ‘petals’. Jan felt fired with embarrassment and worried that too easily she was digging an even deeper hole for herself, allowing Alex to build up all kinds of hopes that would be dashed. She did not want to hurt her that way. She cursed that it was so much easier when dealing with things electronically. 

Jumping up, Jan reminded herself that she did not even find Alex attractive, let alone arousing; she was not even into women. She felt guilty that she had enjoyed the kiss; let it continue, but she excused herself that making a fuss about it in a field full of loved-up lesbians would have caused some serious difficulties. 

“I’ve got to go,” Jan said simply. 

Alex gazed up from the grass and Jan knew she was disappointed. 

“I thought we could … have a drink, some dinner. But … I know any relationship is about both sides. It is not just about what we want. I know … I know I can come over as a bit of a whirlwind Jan. That’s just me …” 

“There’s no need to apologise for being you, Alex, I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.” 

Alex looked up into her eyes and Jan hoped she made a decent attempt at looking sincere. 

“Okay … well, that is good right? It’s the same way, I know that you do things at your pace and, of course, I respect that. So, do please forgive me if I seem to you that I am coming on well … a bit ‘strong’ – is that the right word? I don’t know. I like you; I like being with you and I find you fun and attractive and sexy, okay? Now I have said it. You might not feel the same though after the first date and me staying over at your flat …” 

Jan struggled to understand what Alex meant. She guessed that it was just that she had taken Jan home from the bookshop café, not really what she would consider ‘staying over’. She worried a little Alex was reading too much into small things. However, she guessed she only had herself to blame if that was the case. 

“I am sorry, I am no expert at this … I don’t know what I am feeling … I make mistakes.” Jan did not have the strength to say at that moment that this whole ‘relationship’ between them had come about from her carelessness right at the start. 

“There’s no need to apologise for being you, Jan, I wouldn’t want to have it any other way,” Alex said with a smile. 

Jan bent down to kiss Alex’s cheek feeling she deserved something for being so understanding about how confused this all was. Then Jan turned and hurried away not wanting to risk adding more to that situation. 

**** 

Jan woke up abruptly and was immediately faced with mixed emotions. Partly she felt good as if coming down from … well, from having sex. Her nipples thrummed as if they had been caressed, kissed, maybe even sucked – though that had not been something Oliver had ever done. Then she realised that her lower lips felt the same, her clitoris as if it had had some attention, some very good attention too. Jan could only imagine that she had had a ‘wet’ dream and her body had been playing with itself. She guessed having seen so many people at Pride ‘getting it on’ with more than a hint that they were going to move on, to continue the action naked, it was no surprise she had been a little worked up. 

Feeling that she had rather missed out on the fun her body had been having while she had slept, Jan chased after the dreams she might have been having. Immediately was the image of Alex, down between her legs lapping away and then Jan herself licking at a woman’s nipples, they had to be Alex’s. It was almost as if rather than abandon Alex in the park, they had come here together and ended up naturally in bed. Jan shuddered part in shock, part in pleasure as she imagined feeling the soft skin of Alex’s thigh rubbing between hers, then the stroke of her fingers slipping into the juiciness of her pussy. 

Jan was not clear then which ‘her’ was which. Then she realised that, it was because in her mind’s eye, she saw those fingers as the dark tawny ones of the illusion woman. Now Jan regretted her attempt to recapture the dream. For an instant she wondered if she had been lying to herself and that all along, she had been a lesbian. Now, however, she rationalised it: her sense of guilt at how she had treated Alex had meant Jan’s mind had eagerly provided her with what it viewed as the ideal partner. 

Now Jan realised what it was that had woken her. She held her breath, worrying that she had it was the sound of an intruder. Then, however, she realised she could hear softer sounds, those of someone breathing, probably asleep. As she moved gently, she had a sense of the warmth of a naked body. That made her realise, that contrary to her usual habit, she was in bed naked too. Slowly she shifted towards the figure but steadily felt certain who it would be. Then she caught the richness of Alex. She smelt a little like Jan’s own shower gel, but she had been close enough to the woman to know her distinctive aroma, just, as she guessed by now Alex would know hers. She found it incredible that Alex would somehow have broken into her flat simply to fall asleep beside her. 

Lying there, staring in the semi-darkness up to the ceiling, Jan tried to work out what was going on in her life. Was she having ‘turns’ in which part of her developed the lesbian relationship with Alex, that the rest of her mind was not willing to accept or perhaps only as a dream? Was she that uptight; that close minded, that she could not accept that something good could happen with Alex for all that it was unexpected? Should she not let go? It was clear Alex, if perhaps a little intense, cared for her and was that not what she had been seeking first by divorcing Oliver and then by trying to date again? Just because this person came packaged in a black woman’s body, did it make it anything less than what she had been seeking? Now, feeling a little bolder, Jan moved closer to Alex, expecting any moment to feel her warm soft skin, delightfully brush against her nipples. Then, with a jolt, she tumbled from the edge of the bed and cursing and sore, jumped up. She lunged for the rarely used lamp on this side of the bed only for its light show that all along she had been alone. 

Annoyed with herself, Jan abandoned the bedroom, realising that, despite what she had felt earlier, she was actually in the teeshirt and joggers she usually wore to bed. It seemed clear that something was going on in her head. However, she knew trawling the internet would provide nothing new and she had already booked in to see with the doctor. She did not have the insurance to go private and, as she sipped at her tea, she guessed she would get no different diagnosis that way, anyway. For now, then, she had to deal with it herself. She made more tea, chamomile this time; took herbal calming tablets and hoped that way she would get back to sleep without being troubled by sexual dreams, let alone a materialising female lover. 

Checking the time on her phone, however, Jan saw that she had been sent a message by Alex. She thought it best to look at it now as she was determined to make an effort to distance herself from the woman in the morning and she told herself, bite the bullet and come clean and all those phrases to mean she would end misleading Alex, something she had never intended. Under the title ‘Best Pride’, was a photo was Alex in a deep kiss with a black woman. For a moment Jan was pleased that it seemed Alex had cut her losses and found someone else after Jan had bailed out. However, there was something about the pinky-purple top, the woman’s short blonded hair and the dark tawny tone of her skin that startled Jan. This was the way she had seen the woman reflected in the bookshop or at least now dressed in the clothes she had worn to Pride. Thinking of them, Jan could not recall where she had put them. 

It now seemed that impossible was happening on top of impossible. However, the only explanation was that Alex – and even the phone on Alex’s camera – had seen Jan very differently from how she knew herself to be. Could it really be the case that she was truly that black woman and the image she saw herself, most of the time, at least; as she could see her hands now, was the false one? Any explanation which could encompass that, belonged in stories of alternate universes and people passing between them or taking over bodies and a pile of other science fiction, rather than something that actually happened outside fiction. Was there a parallel Jan Shaw whose life she had accidentally slipped into? Did the other Jan Shaw - Janeka Shaw - get as startled to find herself, as a lesbian, meeting up with the male Alex Clarke? While it was still far from sounding feasible, Jan went with this and anyway, soon the tea and tablets were taking her to sleep. 

**** 

An entire week had passed without Jan hearing from Alex. She wondered at first if she was simply cooling things down a little, worrying, as she had said in the park, that she had come on too heavy. That was even while she was assuming that Jan was a lesbian, let alone the true situation. There were moments when Jan thought, maybe hoped, that her first impression had been correct and that Alex impetuously had gone out and found someone at the park who was attracted to her the way in the way she felt herself. Jan had bottled out again from writing the email calling it all off. In part she hoped simply that some other solution would appear, but also, she realised this Saturday morning, that it was because she knew she would miss meeting up with Alex. This time, however, she decided there was no point bothering with the possibility of being platonic friends. She was coming to feel that the only effective way for her to shake off whatever it was which had been jolting with her and others’ perceptions was to keep right away from the person who appeared to have been the catalyst. 

Automatically Jan went to the door when the bell was rung. The delivery man handed over a large square, soft package and Jan thanked him. Closing the door, she turned it over to see that the package was addressed to ‘Janeka Shaw’ which made Jan sure it had been sent by Alex. Contrary to what she had just been thinking, Jan found she was excited to see what she had been sent. As she unwrapped it, Jan felt perhaps she should not be surprised that it held a black leather jumpsuit, a little like the one Alex had worn the second time they had met. For a moment, Jan thought to package it all up and send it back as fast as possible. However, there was a little niggle that did not want to do that; would not let her do that. 

Jan knew she would never dare to wear something like this in public. It was not that it was revealing, it was just the sense that being encompassed in black leather and not for protection the way a biker would wear it, was somehow explicitly sexual. Maybe, she realised, that sense came because she knew how good Alex had looked in hers and she was a woman totally unafraid in her sexuality. Added to that, Jan realised now, even considering trying the jumpsuit on, she had unleashed far too many memories of the various dreams she had had about having sex with Alex. 

Driven by the arousing flashback, without thinking, Jan found herself shedding her blouse and jeans, remembering what she had wondered about what Alex might be wearing under her leather, knowing for herself it had to just be her underwear. The leather was soft with give and a heady aroma about it. Jan had the sense that this was unleashing such a sexual vibe into her and dressed in it she could not help but finger herself. Having clambered into the legs and pulled it up over her bum, however, Jan’s rush of enthusiasm began to ebb. 

For a moment, as Jan zipped it up past her waist, she thought she was being foolish. However, she found that every inch the zip moved up, she felt comfortable, indeed excited. With still a prominent ‘v’ she stopped with the main zip. While the jumpsuit was clearly her size it was rather baggy. While she skittered around tossing up between keeping it on and stripping it off, Jan found she was doing the zips at the wrist and then even stooping to zip those at the ankle. As she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror, she was surprised to find that, in the place of the plain bra she had worn, was now a black lacy bralet. 

Now Jan had the sense that by being weak and yielding to her desire to get into the jumpsuit, she had allowed all the delusions to come back so strongly. However, almost automatically, she found herself closing the built-in belt. As it snapped closed, Jan felt as if she had plunged deep into warm water. The sensation coursed up and down her body, warm and tingling, reminding of the times she had met Alex but accentuating the feeling even further. 

Then, as she took a step to steady herself, Jan’s body felt good but very different. He had the sense her head was naked and, reaching up, she found her hair had been cropped tight.  She realised the jumpsuit fitted snuggly now, her broad hips were coated in the black leather; her ample cleavage was accentuated by the jumpsuit and the bralet beneath; her feet wore clompy black ankle boots. 

Jan struggled with what had happened. It was impossible, of course. No-one simply turned into someone else or, in fact, into a very different version of herself, certainly not outside weird online fiction. She scrambled around for explanations. The alternative that she had always been a black woman, seemed equally impossible. She remembered the reflections in the mirror and the photos of herself she had seen. She had been married to Oliver and she had had sex with him. She guessed that a woman discovering or changing her sexual orientation was far from unknown, but to change physically this way was something else. 

Alex – was it really possible that Alex could have altered her? Jan struggled to even accept that as a question. She knew Alex had been into her and perhaps she had considered the kind of woman that she felt would have been right for her. Of course, it was feasible Alex would have fancied her as a white woman, but what if …? Jan considered just how mad it was to think she might shift into being the woman she thought Alex would like best. Surely neither of them had that power. Then again, Jan accepted, something had been going on for a while. She recalled the reflection at the bookshop and the image from Alex’s phone. Had Alex been seeing her that way from the start? Had Jan somehow projected that appearance and it had come back once more? 

Thoughts of Alex buzzed around Jan’s mind. She felt a pleasant frisson. Jan knew she could not deny enjoying being with the woman but as she admitted that, it seemed that much more followed. Now she found she could not deny finding Alex attractive; sexy. Then that she had loved holding her body, caressing her skin, sucking her nipples and her clitoris. Jan reeled as so many thoughts of sex with Alex came into her mind. Jan felt she should try to deny them; to chase them out of her mind. However, they felt good, very good. With a sense that she could restore some sanity if she got out of the jumpsuit, Jan reached to remove it. However, the feeling of arousal; the sense of needing to recall all that she had done with Alex, held her back. 

“Jan? Jan, are you alright?” 

Jan almost yelped as she heard Alex’s voice. She opened her eyes to see the woman herself right there. She wore a long sleeveless tunic, fitted tight to her ample breasts, a glittery dark gold pattern over black velvet. Her broad hips beneath were coated in black leather leggings; her feet also wore black ankle boots with a heavy heel. 

“Erm … yes, no, I don’t know.” 

Jan plonked herself on the edge of the bed. 

“I rang the doorbell but I let myself in when there was no reply. I thought you might have popped out at the last moment or were on the loo,” she smiled. 

“No … no, I am here.” 

Jan somehow recalled she had given Alex a key the morning after the Pride event. For the moment it was easier to go with that rational explanation of how the woman was suddenly here in her flat. Alex came and sat by Jan and put her arm around her. While Jan welcomed the gesture, feeling Alex so close to her; breathing her in, quickly reminded her of the dream from last night and then even more unsettlingly, the recollections of sex that had followed. 

Now Alex jumped up. “You seem to be feeling better. I see the jumpsuit came.” 

“Yes, yes it did. It feels …” Jan was going to make up some lie, but found herself coming out with the truth. “It feels so good, the leather is lovely and soft and well … I feel kind of special in it. I don’t know if I’d … well, have the confidence to wear it out.” 

“It looks brilliant on you, Jan.” 

“But I can’t … I can’t accept this gift. It’s too generous.” 

“It’s my money. I wanted you to have it. I saw how you looked at me dressed that way; I wanted to see you just like that. I am not the rich woman … well, trying to get a poor woman to be with her. Your income is better than mine, you could have bought it yourself.” 

Alex’s words were true, though Jan would have argued she would not have done it for her lover. 

“Okay, thank you.” 

“Come on, keep it on. Let’s go out. Where do you fancy going?” 

Alex spoke as if it was normal for them to hang out. Jan realised that she had to draw the line before they simply fell into having a relationship. Part of her wanted to simply go with it and tried to remind her of the good memories of sex with Alex, even though she was sure they were false. 

“I am sorry, I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to … I’m not even,” Jan stuttered. 

Jan drew back a little feeling painfully embarrassed but finding it difficult to look away from Alex’s curvy body and then unsettled further to recall how she had touched it, caressed it, sucked it in the dreams, hallucinations, whatever they had been. She could not stop herself remembering that Alex’s pussy was perfectly smooth and she shuddered as the memory of nuzzling and licking there came back so strongly. 

“There … there’s no need to apologise, Jan … we know each other well enough. Nothing you can do’s going to upset me, know that. I want to be here for you. I don’t want to pressurise you, but I think we could be good together. Take that step, I’m here to catch you.’ 

“I don’t … I don’t even think … you know I was married to man.” 

Alex chuckled. “You’d be far from being the first.” 

“But I’m not … I’m not a lesbian.” 

“I think you are lying to yourself, Jan. I know you maybe don’t have the brash manner that some women do, but you’ve been up front from the start. If you weren’t a lesbian why did you agree to meet with me? Okay, I accept you might have been bi-curious the first time but now … Look,” her voice softened, “say it – I am Jan; I am a proud black lesbian.” 

To Jan this sounded ridiculous. However, she was thinking of any way to get out of this without further embarrassment and if that meant that saying what Alex wanted, she guessed she had to try it. Though Alex appeared to have picked up on her initial hesitancy, Jan knew she had been so weak in not calling an end to it all. Had she been so devoid of affection, friendship even, that she had simply gone with Alex’s assumptions as a way to get those things? She could not deny being with Alex had always been good. Her body, even, was happy to take things further, but her mind kept insisting on something else, even if its willingness to do what had to be done, was much weaker and so she had misled Alex so badly, probably right from the start. 

Even now Jan hesitated while Alex waited. That was certainly a trait of the woman: patience. Yet, despite the dreams she had had, Jan did not believe she was a lesbian nor was ever going to become one. Surely if she had any inkling in that direction then she would not feel so ill at ease being faced with this woman who she had come to know pretty well. On top of that, she was certainly not black. Even if she had been so shown in the phone image and in the reflection, that was all just some kind of weird mistake. These thoughts led Jan, rather than running or making some feeble excuse, to see nothing wrong in making the statement if it was going to satisfy Alex. 

“Okay, Alex.” Jan braced herself, trying not to laugh manically at how mad these words sounded. “I am Jan; I am a proud black lesbian.” 

For an instant after the words left her mouth Jan felt as if the world spun around her, as if she was sliding down a water plume and then at the bottom as if something was locking into place. Now all the things that Jan thought she had dreamt seemed more real than much else. There was a distance to the white divorcee that, for some reason, she kept envisaging herself to be. Did she even like men for sex? It was not as if the thought of them naked was abhorrent, it was just now that there was no sense of arousal. Had she not recently been extolling the pleasure of being a black lesbian; of waking up with a beautiful black woman holding you? Was that not what she had found with Alex? They had had sex the night they had met and Jan realised she did not regret it. Then that event did not feel to be a couple of weeks back, but months, even a couple of years in the past. 

The room around Jan seemed to be fluttering, shaking, almost reshaping. However, as it settled, she knew this was the bedroom in the house she and Alex had bought the year before they had married. Jan found herself, for some reason thinking through their life together from that first date six years earlier and onwards. Not just this house and their wedding, but the company they had set up to advise small businesses. At times it had been tough, two black women running a company still raised eyebrows, but their relationship had been the foundation of all of that and it was strong, she knew. 

Alex looked a little uncertain in herself. Jan went to her wife and held her. They indulged in a kiss and held each other tight. Alex’s fingers ran over the labrys tattoo at the nape of Jan’s neck, the spot that made her shudder with an electric pleasure. Then Jan realised what all of this was about. 

“Thank you, it is wonderful, Alex.” She stepped back again but held her wife’s soft warm hand. 

Alex grinned, “You look so sexy in it. What have you got underneath?” 

“Why don’t you come and find out?” The coquettish tone came easily to Jan. 

Even after this time together, their sex life was very good. Naked beneath the soft leather made Jan feel very aroused and her nipples bobbed excitedly against the interior. Alex smiled and came close. She slowly lowered the zip. As Jan’s breasts came clear, Alex bent to close her mouth around the right one. For a moment Jan was a little surprised at her ample breasts; their large umber shade areolae, but told herself that was foolish, it was the sexual excitement that was rattling her perceptions. 

Jan shed the leather from her shoulders then Alex went about unbuckling the belt and unzipping it all the way. Again, Jan was surprised to see that she was smoothly shaven down there, the dark shade of her pussy lips were already slick and she was skittish as she envisaged that soon Alex would be lapping at them with wonderful tongue. Her fingers, their nails trimmed to cause no harm to her or her wife’s sensitive parts, caught her clit come out from its hood and she let out a moan. 

“Hold back, you’ll come too quickly,” Alex said as she gently brushed Jan’s hand away. 

The jumpsuit now fell to pool at Jan’s ankles and naked, she stepped clear. She went to help Alex get out of her top, her bra, her leggings and panties. Then the pair of them stood face to face, their nipples delightfully skidding across each other’s. They kissed, then with Alex leading Jan, clambered on to the bed. 

“You’re further along, you go first,” Alex encouraged breathlessly. 

“It’s that jumpsuit it …” 

“That was the point.” Alex chuckled. 

Jan could say no more as, gently, Alex ran her thigh between her own. Soon the strokes were making Jan rise up to them. Then as Alex’s mouth closed on hers and her right hand teased Jan’s nipple, she felt the start of something deep within her. Though this morning everything felt new and different, Jan had a sense that an orgasm was coming. As teasingly, Alex ran her tongue down her body, the phrase ‘sliding between your legs to give you a morning lick’ came into Jan’s mind. Of course, it fitted this situation perfectly and Jan knew she wanted to be nowhere else, doing nothing else. The touch of her wife’s tongue on her erect clitoris was like lighting the touch paper and it did not take much more until Jan’s beautiful, black lesbian body was twisting, shrieking and delighting in what her lover had delivered so capably this Saturday morning.